Children live in the moment though, and they won’t put up with that crap. Not without making your life hell. They cry, they scream, they throw food. In the time it takes you to blink while sneezing, they will disappear from sight and begin a curious assault on the pilot’s cabin. They will pick up anything that contrasts with the floor, and eat it. Toddlers are especially bad about this, because it’s impossible to reason with them, or explain why they have to be so terribly inconvenienced.

That’s just one heinous part of traveling with a toddler though. On top of the significant challenges of removing a small child from their comfortable environment while mitigating the terror they inflict on everyone around them, there is the additional challenge of equipment.

Toddlers are like mid century Italian sports cars. They’re fun to have around, but they are ludicrously high maintenance and require the frequent use of highly specialized tools. Not even counting the assorted extras necessary to maintain proper trouser hygiene, toddlers require special chairs for meal time, special tools to cram food in their gullet, a special bed to prevent death and nighttime wandering and a special chair just to sit in a car.

Hotels tend to have cribs, and restaurants tend to have high chairs, but the car seat is a different thing altogether, and it’s really only a significant problem during the toddler years. When they’re infants the car seat is a multipurpose device that they will happily sleep in. It’s on the small side on account of the child being small, and has a large handle making it easy to tote around. Once they grow out of that though, things change significantly. The car seats are transformed into monstrous and awkward devices that weigh as much as the child. Because they’re designed for more or less permanent installation, they don’t have carry handles. Carrying one of these things around is about as easy as toting around a Barca lounger made for hobbits. It’s a pain in the ass, and absolutely essential.

When we started looking around for ideas on how to transport this thing, I recalled seeing other parents carrying around special made bags for things like strollers and car seats. It turns out there are only a few companies that make bags for car seats and they come in essentially two different styles, fitted and sack. The fitted bags are roughly the shape of the car seat, with desirable features such as shoulder straps, roller wheels, zipper closures, and extra pockets. The sack style is, literally, just a sack with a draw string and appear like they are designed only for gate checking a car seat. If they’re as durable as they appear, then you would likely get more protection from a plastic bag.

The most popular of the fitted style bags appears to be the JL Childress Ultimate Car Seat Travel Bag. I got it thinking it would be a valuable investment considering all the travel we were planning for the spring and summer, and we first used it on our trip to New York in March. The shoulder straps made it easy to carry the car seat like back pack. The material seemed durable and it had padding for the sides of the car seat. There were no extra pockets, but the zippered closure worked smoothly and the car seat fit in snuggly. I did note that there was really no way to secure the zippers, but the packaging claimed the zipper had a special features that would allow locking the bag. That “special feature” was the closed loop at the end of the zipper pull tab that is common on all metal zipper pulls. I guess if I had a spare piece of twine I could have tied a knot through the zipper pulls.

When we collected our baggage in Dulles, the Ultimate Car Seat Travel bag had burst it’s zipper, and our car seat was slid half out. Thank god I hadn’t taken the advice of the ticket agent who suggested I transfer some items from our over weight luggage in to the Ultimate Car Seat Travel Bag, or it would have been all over the conveyor belt. Still, the bag had done it’s duty and the car seat was unharmed, and the zippers appeared okay. While pulling the zippers closed, I also noted that the bottom of the Ultimate Car Seat Travel Bag now had two holes worn through the bottom. I can only presume the baggage handlers drug it around behind the luggage cart, doing wheelies on the flight line. I didn’t thing much of it. Normal wear and tear. If it got too bad I’d just give it some duct tape treatment.

This last weekend, Cameron and Logan went to Denver, and we again employed the Ultimate Car Seat Travel Bag. It was something of a life saver, and made it a lot easier for Cameron to handle the luggage without me. When she returned to Vegas though, we had something of a surprise.

When I retrieved her luggage from the conveyor belt at McCarran, this is what I found.

The entire bottom of the JL Childress Ultimate Car Seat Travel Bag had blown out, the seams neatly ripped. The car seat was again half out of the bag, but this time it protrude from the destroyed bottom. After just 2 round trip flights, the bag was completely useless. I think if I hadn’t seen the damage it had incurred after only a single flight, I would have been surprised. As it was, I was only curious and slightly irritated. The Ultimate Car Seat Travel Bag cost just under $50, so it wasn’t very expensive, but I still expected it to last longer than two round trip flights prior to a catastrophic loss of hull integrity.

I can’t say that I’d recommend a bag with such a swift failure rate. Maybe I had a faulty product. Maybe it got some extra rough treatment. I can’t say what caused it to fail, all I can say is it was a good thing it happened on the return flight, and that no damage was done to the car seat. If the car seat had been damaged beyond safe use, how would we leave the airport? Unlike Tom Hanks, no one is going to let my toddler live in the terminal.

You could put a hat on his head, and if you were quick enough, you might get a picture of it. I’ve rarely been that quick. He just didn’t seem to get it, which I always thought was weird for a kid with so little hair. Surely his head was getting cold? I know mine does.

At first, he wouldn’t even tolerate the hood on his jacket. Like any other offending head gear he’d pull at it. When the hood failed to come off, he’d get upset and frustrated. Eventually he either gave up, or accepted it, and now regularly walks around with the hood up.

Still wouldn’t wear hats though. Until last weekend, when he earned the Crown of Prince Edward.

Somewhere (not here) there is a picture of me wearing this hat when I was about Logan’s age. The Crown of Prince Edward was crocheted? Knitted? Fabricated for me by a family member or friend. I’m sure I’ll be chastised for not recalling the specifics. I wore it for a time when I was a toddler, and it then it got stashed away in a box for a whole bunch of years.

My mother brought it around for Logan some time ago, and until Saturday, he’d demonstrated little interest in it. Like any other hat he’d doff it as soon as he was forced to don it. Maybe it was just cold enough on Saturday. Maybe he’s finally accepted that sometimes people make you wear things on your head. Whatever the reason he wore if for the better part of an hour while adventuring in the backyard.

And so the Crown of Prince Edward was passed from one generation to the next.

I have mixed feelings about Build A Bear. On the one hand, it’s a cute and endearing way to create a personal bond between a child and a stuffed animal that’s entertaining for the child. On the other hand, they’re expensive and the shop relies on aggressively patronizing marketing to insure children are emotionally indebted to the product and the accessories for it. And let’s be honest, given half a chance most kids will form an emotional bond with a stick they find in the drive way, giving it a name and creating an elaborate back story for the stick rich in royal intrigue and adventure.

They are cute bears though.

Logan was reserved throughout the process, seeming mostly confused by the entire process. He demonstrated the most interest in the hallway that led to the bathrooms.

Naturally, we selected some Jedi robes for the bear. The consequence of this is that Logan was more interested in the Bear’s lightsaber than he was in the bear itself.

I want Logan to grow up doing active, interesting, things. This means that I have to do active interesting things, which is good, because I need motivation to get off my ass and do stuff sometimes.

We hiked out to Lost Creek, a short little jaunt of less than a mile that ends in a seasonal waterfall. The BOB stroller did not turn out to be as adept at hiking as I thought it would. I should amend that. It was great at hiking. It was terrible at bouldering.

We left it behind and I carried him the rest of the way.

He seemed to enjoy himself, but it’s hard to tell with Logan sometimes.

As usual he was most interested in the mundane, and delighted in walking in the gravel around the visitor’s center, and climbing on the benches.

In only a year Logan has grown out of being a warm to the touch biological machine designed to process food into poop, pushed straight on through infancy, and become a little boy.

He had his first birthday and all the sudden he’s a little man.

Still not really walking though. Kind of a lazy little man. He’ll stand up sometimes, and every once in a while he’ll take a step or two. Not soon after though, a confused expression wanders across his face that says “Why am I using my legs like a sucker?” and he gently settles back into a crawl.

His birthday party went off splendidly. A lot of our friends showed up to help him celebrate. The Taco Man came, and made tacos for everyone. The BEST tacos. Little street tacos prepared on the spot. He brought his own griddle so the meat was hot and fresh, a whole table of salsas and condiments and giant jug of pineapple juice. It was like having authentic Mexican street tacos right in our backyard, without all the pesky dysentery. Taco Man is awesome.

Our friend Kat made Logan just about the best cake ever. Three tiers with an edible train that ran along the outside toting a little tiny personal cake for the birthday boy. I helped. I made the little sculptures of Logan and Puddles out of gum paste.

Not only was it beautiful, it was delicious.

Logan though so to. It was his first taste of cake. Pretty near to his first experience with refined sugar, as his mother and I have very carefully warded his diet.

He seemed to enjoy it.

He also enjoyed opening his gifts.

Although sometimes it appears he enjoys the paper included with the gift more than the gift.

Sitting at the Science Station on the bridge, he is responsible for monitoring all sensor scans and identifying anomalies near the vessel’s course.

My mother tells me that his is a maneuver I frequently engaged in. I would lift one leg far past its current range of flexibility and thrust it out of whatever restraint I was strapped into. Evidently I was quite good at it.

This is a picture of my son taken a few weeks ago.

It would seem that not only has Logan inherited my extraordinary good looks and roguish charm, but also, my genetic disposition for a distaste in restraints. Until this moment, I was unaware that escapism was an inherited quality. With any luck he’s also managed to inherit his mother’s good sense with money as well as her study habits.

We’ve gone to some trouble to socialize Logan as much as we can. Letting other people hold him and play with him in an effort to prevent the kind of separation anxiety so many children suffer from. For the most part this has been successful, although as he’s gotten older and more socially aware it gets more difficult. In the first three months I’m not sure he was really aware there were more than two people in the world. There was Mommy With Breasts, and Not Mommy. Not Mommy was everyone else in the world, including me. Now that he’s starting to catch on that Not Mommy is actually many different people, he’s starting to get a little picky about who he hangs out with.

He’s still good with other people, but I think sometimes he finds it disconcerting to be receive such high affection from people who’ve never given him breast milk. I suspect this is why he doesn’t appear as thrilled to see the Stoltzs as they are to see him.

Easter brought a lot of gifts, some from us, and some from Grandma and Grandpa, and some from the Stoltzs. The gifts were all wonderful, and he enjoys them. Babies are like cats in some regard though, you can buy them the best gift in the world and what they’ll really want to play with is the box it came in.

Logan determined that of all the gifts he received, the card was the tastiest one.

Some of the gifts came in a basket. The basket was really an upside down hat with handles attached to it. The hat did not fit me. It was too small.

The hat did not fit Logan either. It was too large.

Some of the gifts were hidden, and Logan needed help finding them.

Sometimes I even talk like I’m narrating a children’s book.

The ladies at the party all loved Logan. I suspect this will be a trend that will last well into his later years. He received a number of “oohs” and “aahs” from his appreciable audience. He seemed particularly taken with Clara.

I’m glad he was so popular, it provided me an opportunity to do my dad thing; drink a lot of beer and eat a lot of sausage appetizers.

Logan has become adapt at holding his head up, and he even has the strength to stand. He lacks the coordination to maintain his own balance, but he definitely has the strength part down pat. It’s sometimes easy to forget he’s less than 3 months old.

I couldn’t resist buying him this gift for Christmas, even though he’s far too young for it. I also couldn’t resist opening it. When Thinkgeek featured the Tauntaun sleeping bag as an April Fool’s joke, I was one of the thousands who attempted to order it. When they announced that it was a real licensed product, I was one of the first thousand to order it.

Logan won’t be able to use it for some time, but I couldn’t resist. He didn’t seem to really like it much, even after I demonstrated that the zipper pull was a plush lightsaber and pulling it opened up the guts of the Tauntaun. I’m sure he’ll come around.

We had another trip to the pediatrician’s office to meet with our lactation consult. Tami Schollser has been something of a god send for us. When Logan was underweight and having trouble eating, she was able to quickly identify several problems and work with us to correct them. In the six weeks or so that we’ve been seeing her, Logan has put on more than 5 lbs and while he’s still small, he’s growing at a healthy pace.

As a parting shot, here’s a pic of me and the boy taking a nap. There seems to be an awful lot of gray in my beard.

It’s designed to support the infant’s back and gently grasp their legs, securing the child into an upright seating position. As soon as the infant is able to hold their head up, they can sit in the Bumbo Baby Seat, just like a big person.

It’s unclear from the website or literature just what benefits the child is supposed to receive from using the Bumbo Baby Seat, other than an upright seating position. The website seems to promise smiles, super fun playtime, and increased communication with your preverbal infant.

Logan seemed to enjoy it. We popped him in, and after a quick look around, he did what any comfortable man does when seated upright in an appliance chair. He scrunched up his eyes and had himself a nice big poop. From my vantage point, he appeared relaxed and at ease. Surely that’s a positive product endorsement.